Saving Your Marriage After An Affair

By: George Saunders

Infidelity in a marriage is devastating, and whether or not a marriage ends at that time depends on several important factors. It is crucial to realize that there are several issues in the relationship that led a spouse to step over the line. Without an attempt to understand the underlying causes the marriage is doomed to failure. There are several areas that enter into play.
<BR><BR>Personality
<BR><BR>Personality, without doubt, played a major role in attracting you to each other when you first met. This attraction was also a major reason for wanting to continue seeing each other and building a relationship. At this point both of you were attracted to your outer selves.
<BR><BR>Character
<BR><BR>Character, or your inner self, is formed by your life experiences plus the results of life choices you have made. The qualities you develop are all part of a complex jig-saw puzzle that you yourself may not fully see or understand. This is not as observable as your personality, or your outer self, but it plays a vital role in a marriage.
<BR><BR>In marriage both partners are living in close quarters and as such character traits become increasingly important in the success of the relationship. There is a need for mutual understanding, an open channel of communications and a certain degree of flexibility.
<BR><BR>Being at close quarters in this type of environment opens the door for a spouse to search for what is lacking by being with someone else, even if it is for just little while. When the injured spouse discovers the affair, the mental anguish and physical pain is devastating. The feeling of betrayal, the shock and bitter anger all become overwhelming. The images of the spouse with someone else are painful.
<BR><BR>As a result, this situation may lead the spouse to choose to be with someone else, even if temporarily. Often this decision leads to an affair, resulting in grave consequences for both sides. When the injured spouse learns about the affair there is disbelief and the mental and physical pain is devastating. The shock and anger and the feeling of betrayal are overwhelming. And the big question is “Why they did it” and “Is it over"?
<BR><BR>As hurtful and heart breaking as infidelity is, it is an opportunity in disguise to revamp your lives and refocus your love relationship in ways that create honor, joy and true intimacy. Remember the good times and concentrate on ways to get back to those special things that drew you to each other in the first place.
<BR><BR>As upsetting and heart breaking as an affair is, it is also an opportunity in disguise to revamp your lives and refocus your love relationship such ways that create respect, happiness and sincere intimacy. Flash back to the good times and concentrate on ways to return to those special things that drew you to each other to begin with.
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